Malaysian commentators revisited

Woo hoo, after the hangover from World Cup 2006, Champions League season is finally here. I look forward to this competition mainly because it is the only major football being shown on terrestrial TV, yeah I am a poor bastard for not having Astro, I know.

Unfortunately, I missed the last round of matches because they were only shown on 8TV and TV9 instead of the usual TV3, and yeah, I am an even poorer bastard for not having these 2 channels too. Anyhow, the dimwits finally realised the folly of their ways and rectified this travesty. Naturally, I took this opportunity to satiate my thirst for live top level football (Malaysian footie doesn't count), waking up bleary-eyed at 3 am.

In my sleep deprived state, I immediately sensed that something was different. The voice commentating seemed to possess a fake foreign accent and it was not as clear as usual. Then it hit me, instead of the usual 'ang moh' commentators, who were always funny and gave interesting comments if nothing else, they used their own 'Malaysia Boleh' el cheapo pundit, who was neither insightful nor interesting. In fact, he was a total bore, the steady monotone being a veritable cure for insomnia, not that I needed one at that moment. It seems like they just selected someone who can make out the which players are which on a TV screen and just because he can adopt a fake accent.

Commentators are useful whenever a match gets boring, which coincidentally happened to the one I was viewing, giving obscure trivia at lulls in the game. Our local hero though, gave out something like 2 bits of trivia, I was not sure because he could not be heard at times over the din of the crowd. Well, even if he was not a fact maniac, he could at least know his football right? Wrong, as it turns out, as he gave the wrong call at least twice.

As a viewer, there are three things I look for in TV pundits, passion, humour and knowledge. Looks like our local commentators can only get two out of three at most.

10 reasons why Malaysia will never be a sporting power (final 4 reasons)

Here's the rest of my post:

7) Our sports selectors are good... at selecting failures:

Time and again our athletes fail to produce the goods when it matters, on the world stage, even though they claim 'to be in their best phase of training'. Well, as an outsider, I cannot comment on the veracity of such statements, but there are certain groups of people who can, the national team selectors. One would assume these selectors constantly have a finger on the pulse as far as athletes' training is concerned, but why they repeatedly send the same duds to get themselves humiliated escapes me. I say, it is time to give some of our bona fide 'jaguh kampung' from our bona fide 'kampungs' a chance. After all, however badly they perform, they cannot do worse than what our 'elite' athletes are producing.

8) Our talent scouts idolise Big Foot:
In a country of 24 million, there are bound to be some world class sportsmen. Hell, the Czech Republic has 10 million citizens, yet they can scrape together not 1 but at least 22 truly world class athletes to compete in serious competitions like the World Cup. Meanwhile, our selectors struggle to string together a side that can challenge for a small mug like the Tiger Cup. Selectors shoulder the blame, to a certain extent, because you got to admit that you do not have much choice when your options are limited to some David Beckham wannabes with the hair and boots but not the skills. To discover the other guilty party, we must go down nearer to the grassroots. World champions do not just drop out of the sky like Superman, they must be unearthed and nurtured. And where can we find these raw gems but in the schools and fields? Unfortunately, we drew the short end of the straw by having talent scouts who do not like to do field work. How many times have we heard of sporting gods being discovered playing or running barefoot in his neighborhood field? But how many times has this happened in Malaysia with good talent, nevermind the geniuses? Forget Big Foot, these scouts are so elusive that you can only see them at some big inter-school competition. And what is the point when most of the kids there that shine have some form of training anyway. Looks like our 'raw' talent are actually only considered 'rare', huh? (bonus marks for those who catch the pun) Suggestion: Fire our current scouts and use the money to set up a hotline ala 'Rakan Cop' for the public who catch sight of a potential Zidane or Ronaldo.

9) Sporting talent seems to be connected with skin colour:
Our small talent pool is dried up even further because certain sports seem to be enjoyed by a single race, thus possibly eliminating a future Yao Ming just because he is too tanned. Personally, I am perplexed by the lack of Chinese in distance running, simply because of the misconception that Indians and Malays are 'better' at it. More often than not, this type of pigeonholing can only happen in Malaysia though, as the last time I checked, the distance running records of the far eastern countries (China, Japan, Korea) are still better than India's. There are other examples to support that races and skin tone has nothing to do with aptitude in a certain sport, such as the captain of the national basketball team being Indian, and one of the top national table-tennis players being Malay.

10) Sport is rather low on the agenda..., riiiiight after washing the toilet and doing the dishes:
You know, for all the talk of discovering talent, nurturing them, building cutting edge facilities, then selecting the best ones for competition, what happens when there are no talents to be discovered? I mean, fewer and fewer kids do sport just because of sport, they usually do it just to get something in return, like some declaration on a cert just so they can get into university. Consequently, kids who do this will always see sport as a chore, an afterthought, and these kids form the majority. A lot of them loathe the idea of getting soaked in sweat and grime that they willingly forgo they endorphine high accompanying said sweat and grime. I wager that most of them would rather clean the loo and do dishes than run a couple of laps around the field. Magic solution: make our loos waaaaaay bigger, as in big enough to fit godzilla, and substitute plates with 10 kg dumbell weights, then at least sport will get bumped up a notch or two.

10 reasons why Malaysian will never be a sporting power (first 6 reasons)

In the aftermath of the spectacular underachievement of our national badminton team in the recently concluded world championships, I have decided to sit down and ponder about our beloved nation's overall mediocrity in sport. And I have come to the conclusion that barring a miracle on the scale of Jesus walking on water, we will continue to be stuck in this rut. Here are 10 reasons why:

(The list is in no particular order of importance by the way)
1) Our road and transport system sucks:
Huh? What the hell does the road and transport system have to do with this? Loads, I tell you. In fact, I would stake a hell lot that this is the main reason. Since it is so screwed up, our future world beating, butt kicking stars spend most of their time stuck in transit, no thanks to our world famous traffic jams. And they cannot walk to training either, because someone has not been maintaining our roads well enough. You cannot train well with an ankle screwed up from stepping into too many potholes right? Running or walking to training is also impractical unless you have a fetish for smog, which brings us to the next thing on my list;

2) Our roads, trails, halls, fields... hell anywhere is so chockful of air pollution:
This is THE main complaint for me. A budding athlete might lack monetary support, parental blessing, training aids..., you name it, but one thing he will not lack, regardless of his status, is air pollution. Wherever a budding athlete may turn, he will always be confronted with the familiar choking sensation of smoke, from the car produced goodness on the road to the cigarette inspired dizziness at his training hall. Personally as a runner, I am very incensed by the sheer number of cars on the road, and most of them with only a single haughty driver in them. Have you people not get the hint yet? Rising petrol prices means you do not drive your car if you can help it, stupid. This reason is only applicable if there are training sites to run to or get choked in though;

3) Dude, I lost my training hall/field/running trail!:
Another day, another field lost. To what or into what, you ask. Now this is where it gets creative, at various instances, my neighborhood field has donned the guises of cattle grazing ground, driving range, picnic site for some company function. It is still OK though, compared to what some other fields have become, low cost housing areas, shopping malls, dumpsites, meeting area for randy youths, breeding site for snakes et cetera. Fields are not the only nurseries for sporting talent that are lacking, some running and hiking trails have been annexed by entrepreneuring traders who have taken to doing business along these trails. Well, if anything positive has gone out from all these, it is that we Malaysians have a flair for adapting unsuitable locales to serve our own ends. I have a suggestion to rectify this though, clear a field, then label it a carnival ground, I guarantee that the only use it will get is as a football field. Sorta like the 'Polo Ground' we have now, except that it is a football ground.

4) The 'Waitaminute, you mean I actually have to stand upright to do this?' attitude rules:
I know we live in the cyber age where we can do nearly anything and everything virtually. Unfortunately, sport is not one of them, and I do not consider retarded cybersport as actual sport, just brilliant marketing. Obviously, the adage 'practice makes perfect' especially rings true for sport, where our future Tigers and Rogers must actually put in the time and dedication for their chosen sport. Too bad though, that our young actually get to experience what these two sporting gods go through a little to closely and a little too much, via computer games bearing their name.

5) Our politicians waste too much money debating inane issues instead of developing sport:
Recently, many newspapers have brought up the issue of setting up a forward base for sports in England. Of course, it also highlighted the typically differing views expressed by different YBs, and the arguments which followed. Most of the debates happened in Parliament, which is the correct outlet. But the funny thing is that this supposedly more learned folk took such a long time to decide on it. I mean, come on, go ask the man on the street for his opinion, and he will give a reply within 5 seconds, and 9 times out of 10 it will probably be the same. Yet, our MPs wasted so much saliva and taxpayers' funds talking about an obviously impractical suggestion, funds which can be utilised to fund our sporting pursuits. Suggestion: Cut the crap, even though you like it.

6) Our stadiums are too new and sparkling:
Yup, you heard me, they are too new. Not because the RM900 per month groundman works hard at maintaining our sporting facilities, but because they hardly get used. The administrators seem intent on making sure that their stadiums get as little use as possible. There is a nice stadium nearby with a great tartan track. Sadly, the track barely gets used once a month, simply because it is not open to the public. Even the state track team does not get to use the track except in the run-up to a big competition, having to settle for a grass track at one of the nearby schools. It is not like the track will be ruined from getting too much use, nor does it require detailed maintenance, unlike the cinder tracks of old. Perhaps they are afraid that we will steal some of the fixtures there, since the steeplechase barriers are so easily portable and all, and the market price for small bits of rubber track is rising. Riiiight.

Ok, that is all for today. But before you crucify me for not being able to count, this is just the first part, the following 4 reasons will be up tomorrow.

Memories buried and unearthed

Everyone has skeletons in their closets. As for me, I prefer to tuck these skeletons as far in as possible. Ever since I was a primary school student, I have been conciously trying to forget about the past, forget whatever memories I have acrued. I am literally someone who just lets the past slide, which might seem like a rather carefree way to live life.

Unfortunately, I do so because of the wrong reason, I just want to forget whatever unpleasantness I am feeling. Notice that I mentioned that I have been like this since primary school, which coincided with a very angsty phase of my life, where I was ostracised by my (mostly female) schoolmates. Suffice to say, life was not very pleasant when people keep picking on your weaknesses or being nasty to you.

What started as a defense mechanism evolved into something else as time went by, I casually forget for the past few years simply because it is easier to do so than to remember. A fountain of youth for the mind if you like, since I feel that memories 'age' someone in mind and soul. Consequently, I am now not good with names or faces.

Even though my early childhood happened way before any of this, it was also retroactively affected. I found that out during my psyche test some time ago, when the teacher-counsellor asked whether I remember anything from my childhood that might have triggered a blank. To my slight surprise, I drew a blank, a total blank. The real surprise was that deep down inside, my emotions were just as blank about this.

In spite of my efforts, my memories do not stay buried forever though. Sometimes when I do something, a certain memory is triggered. It does not even have to be something special, even a routine walk might dredge up something from my sea of memories. Same goes for the memory too, it can just be something normal and boring I did when I was a child. These memories that occasionally resurface are also just as quickly forgotten. But like teachers from another age, they never fail to offer some insight into what I have been, and guidance about what I should do. Things that I did without a second thought when I was really young suddenly seemed so childish and pointless.

Having typed all that, I still feel like a mere observer in my life. Pointless huh?

An ant's tale

The magnificent creature was going about its domain, staking its territory lest another one of its species start having illusions of grandeur. In its own corner, it is king, its power unchallenged its sovereignity unchallenged. But for those foolish enough to do so, a clamp of its menacing mandibles ensure a most unpleasant disembowelling.

As per routine, it went about its usual itinerary, along a worn jungle trekking trail. It was both daring and foolhardy on the creatures part. The Trail was a notoriously dangerous highway for its kind and other denizens of the jungle, with millions perishing on it. This highway was traversed by dozens of even bigger creatures every day, bipeds who have a tendency to squash hapless slackers, intentionally and unintentionally. These bipeds do not factor into the natural order of the jungle, making it extremely risky to encounter them, but the lordling did not mind. It was a way of exuding confidence and showing its dominance, and the bipeds do drop sumptious morsels every now and then. Nevertheless it did not hurt to be cautious.

Today was very quiet though, with relatively few bipeds passing through. The creature decided to come out from under the safety of the foliage to catch a whift of the morning breeze. After all, what use is a fief if you cannot even walk proudly in it. Its antennae felt a little vibration in the air, something which did not entirely correspond with what is natural, however barely any biped passed through this way since this morning, so the creature decided to disregard the instinct to run. The instinct proved to be correct though, as a few gigantic shadows materialised out of nowhere and crowded around. Frantic, the creature dashed for the safety of the trees, to no avail. It knew it was sighted, and worse, it was targeted. The creature was very fast for its kind, but still definitely no match for the bipeds. A single stride from them would cover any gulf that would take the creature minutes to cross. It was trapped.

The bipeds came at it with a vengeance. They used a transparent portable prison to try to ensnare it, really methodical these bipeds, using the prison itself to catch it. They have definitely killed before. The creature evaded the first run, narrowly ducking the cage and darting between the legs of its persecutors. It was overmatched, but it was going to make a fight out of this yet. The bipeds reacted quickly, blocking its escape with a wall made of material similar to the prison's. The wall moved quickly and slammed into the creature, knocking it into the prison. Although dazed, its will to survived drove it to run, anywhere would do. Its efforts were rewarded when its feet touched the damp ground of the trail. Never had it been more grateful for the touch of the ground, but from its brief brush with the prison, its fears were confirmed, they are killers, the deathly stench of their previous victim, a distant kin, was still hanging inside.

On and on, both hunter and hunted kept up the game of wits, both unyielding. For the hunters, this was another trophy for the collection; for the hunted, this was for its life. Having continuously thwarted the bipeds' attempts, the creature thought that it would win this battle when the hunters eased up. To its chagrin, this was just the lull before the storm. Frustrated, a biped decided to abandon the refined approach, and proceed to just drop the prison on top of the creature. Game over. Putting on the cover took some creative manipulation, but it only delayed the inevitable, there will be no rescue party to take advantage of the stall.

The whole prison was inserted into a dark cavern-like structure worn on the back of one of the bipeds. There was another bigger prison of similar make in it, containing another one of its species. This one was very much smaller though, just a youth in comparison. Understandably, the young one was also agitated, constantly running around its enclosure, probing for an escape outlet. But the newly deposed lord knew it was futile though, the prisons are impenetrable, even by its own deadly mandibles. The young one, will probably die of exhaustion soon, running itself to death. Resigned to its fate, the lordling resolved to face death with dignity.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

At least, this is how I imagine the giant ant I caught this morning would see it. As of now, its smaller counterpart had its death throes hours ago. The big one is getting agitated itself, and it is beginning to show the signs exhibited by its departed kin. I have tried feeding it, with bread, water and even sugar, but it is not eating. It is running around madly, but not at the intensity of the other two ants, perhaps this will allow it to last until tomorrow morning, when Shy Yan or Ju Ping will preserve it.

I am worried that the ant will die, but for all the wrong reasons I feel. I want to make sure my efforts were not for naught. Having spent the morning trekking through the hills around the Botanical Gardens (mostly alone), and having some harrowing moments with the terrain, I want to at least have something to show for it, even if it is an ant. And now in all likelihood, even that hardy ant might not survive. Even as I type, I hear the desperate escape efforts of the ant, a rhythmic 'tap-tap-tap', the sound of it clinging on to the cover of the plastic container and then falling, again and again.

I am a sucky driver

Today, I had my first real drive since passing my driving test. And boy did it open my eyes.

I present to you some raw statistics, since numbers seem to reach out to people better. Please do bear in mind that these are from what I can recall. For starters, I nearly ran into two cars, and nearly missed two turnings. I also carried on where I left off from my driving test, stalling my car at least 5 times, once on an upward slope, which illicited a feeling of deja vu when I had to reenact the 'naik bukit' test to get it going again. Another time I had the misfortune of stalling just in front of an SUV, whose driver chose to exasperate matters by honking. As if some noise would magically restart my engine.

From my own noobness, I now know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of abuse and honking. That is to be expected though, since I am actually driving the car. On the other hand, I somehow manage to pity my dad, who was my designated escort since mum did not even let me make it out of the car park before chickening out. He must have some supernatural power, since there is no way a human could actually stay so calm and maintain his sangfroid after the danger I put him through! He did not even flinch, even when I was mere inches from colliding with another car on his side, or when I drove through a junction even when another, (bigger) car was speeding in from the left, another close shave.

Of course, all my misfortune must be taken into context. For all the potential accidents I may have caused, I still did not actually get into one, which is not something I can say for friends like Ju Ping, who went 'drifting' with his dad in tow, dancing at Death's door, or Rong who crashed into a pole and incurred the wrath of her parents not to mention a RM 1900 repair bill.

At the end of the day, I still managed to walk away from my car in one piece, along with my passenger. Certainly it is something to be thankful for, thankful enough for a silent prayer to God for keeping me safe when I am not.

Stillness of the night

I don't know why, but I have always had an affinity with the night, or to be more exact, the wee hours of morning. It might be the quiet, or the loneliness that comes with having the rest of your household in dreamland, but whatever it is, it has always been my most productive chunk of time. In this stillness, I won't be interrupted by my dad's nagging, my mum's constant queries, my siblings rambunctious pranks. With this solitude, my ideas are allowed to form and evolve. Even now, in this undecidedly non-early morning surroudings, ironically writing about this special twilight zone, my thoughts are constantly being intruded upon by my sister plotting on the phone. Yes, very ironic indeed.

Another sobering day

Steve Irwin is dead. Even though I am not as fanatical about the environment as Ju Ping, nor do I have as much access to Astro, I have grown up with his shows. Even now, more than 24 hours after he died, I still could not believe it happened. So what now? There is the very obvious reality that there will never be another 'Crocodile Hunter' show, in its current form at least. While there might be other environmental shows, 'Croc Hunter' had a certain charm that appealed to me as a youngster. Oh well, our time might come any time, so no sense in trying to avoid it. In that sense, I will always admire him, dying while doing what he loves best. I hope I will have the luxury of that one day.

RIP Steve Irwin.

I am a sucky writer

I suck. Well, not really, not even in my deepest doldrums will I ever admit that I suck. But according to a 'reputable' and 'authoritative' person, I do, at writing no less. That's right, my MUET (that's English to those that do not have to take this moronic exam) teacher gave me a Band 3 (out of 6) for an essay. Granted, I didn't really put 100% into this bastard child of an essay, but I didn't think I deserve to be labled 'modest user, fairly fluent, usually appropriate but with noticeable inaccuracies' and 'able to understand but with some misinterpretation' and 'able to function but with some effort' either.

Anyway, here's the offending piece.

Nowadays, the job market has become increasingly competitive. Paper qualifications just could not meet the tough demands of picky employers. Young people need to equip themselves with soft skills to make themselves marketable. Unfortunately, in our structured education system, these skills are precisely what is lacking. Therefore, I suggest that both parents and schoolstake a more proactive role in developing them.

Time is a very precious commodity. In spite of this, youths have a tendency to mismanage it. Perhaps they are not disciplined enough, but the structured school life should be sufficient to rectify this, with a few more adjustments of course. Structured should not mean boring, fun can be injected every now and then, to ensure students do not resent the system. If this discipline is cultivated from young, it will become an integral part of the lifestyle of our youth. Hopefully, they will transfer their time management skills to other aspects of life.

One of the chief grouses of interviewers is that our youth fail to communicate effectively, though they might be intelligent and qualified. I would attribute it to the cyber age that we live in. People are more inclined to use electronic tools to do their "talking" for them, to the extent that it is not uncommon to find youth with "best friends" they have not met in person. While it is easy to say something when you have the confort of your computer or cellphone to hide behind, it is an entirely different proposition when it comes to face to face communication. Confident Lotharios on the internet might turn out to be stuttering, awkward mice in person. How do you expect this person to present himself well to a future boss then? For starters, parents can make their child more sociable by actively encouraging him to go out and interact more. They can also impose limits on computer and cell phone use. CHildren are naturally shy, but if given encouragement, they will move out of their shell. As time goes by, the children will build meaningful friendships, and learn to manage them well.

For all the talk about the importance of good minds and engaging personalities, they will come to nought if you are too sick to use them. All the same, employers will also be less inclined to employ someone if they feel he will have too many sick days. In their paper chase, young people often push healthy living to the bottom of the agenda. This is also exacerbated by distractions like television and computers. It is a curable problem though, with both schools and parents capable of supplying the antidote. School authorities can give exrcise a more central role, instead of obsessing about paper grades. I am sure a period or two of the more mundane subjects like History and Moral Education can be sacrificed to make way for morning exercise. The students probably will not mind too, since they will be nodding off anyway. School is one thing, but students spend a lot of time at home too. To take advantage of this, parents can constantly impress on them the importance of healthy living. Parents can start by cutting back on the oil and salt when they cook and exercise instead of watching television with thier offspring. Sure, all this might not make them popular with thier children at first, but subconciously it will be drummed into them. By laying down the foundations, our young people stand a chance to make a difference.

Soft skills might be underrated, but it is definitely time for us to focus on them. Stoic efficiency is just not enough, especially since our current economy is shifting more and more towards knowledge based services.

There, this is the offending piece. I admit I strayed a bit from the main subject which included giving reasons. But the teacher derided this essay as being 'narrative', bastard child of an essay this may be, but it is still my child. And to add insult to injury, she casually mentioned that we(the students) are too used to writing 'narrative essays'. Well, if anything narrative essays are the way to go, lest we want to bored our audiende to sleep. Heck, what I learned here through trial and error, will always be infinitely better than what she can teach in the classroom.

Before I end, I feel obliged to leave a line about Ju Ping, who also fell victim to the POC(prudish old crone, in his own words). He had it worse that I did, if anything, he got a 'low band 3' and before that, he was roundly screwed in the recent MUET test.