Oblivion

I am now at the edge of a mile-high cliff, staring down the precipice, into oblivion... My target is just as far away, and even further. As hard as I try, my efforts have only led me here. One more step, and it's a point of no return. I yearn to go the other way, to make some headway towards my dream, but every time I do it's like swimming in mud, in tandem with strong currents pushing me back. Back until this point...

I have just returned from the Kedah meet, and all I can say to describe it is "total failure". My personal target was not met, modest though it may be. Even worse, I failed to finish 2 out of the 3 events that I signed up for. While I was confident of dipping below 5 minutes for the 1500, the actual race didn't quite turn out the way I envisioned. I felt lethargic from the gun, and I was dropped even before the 300 mark. The rest of the race was a long struggle and I basically ended up where I was 2 years ago. Right after I finished, I ran over to start the 10000. As expected, I dropped out after 2 laps, due to the proximity of these events in the schedule. No complaints about this. I can still reasonably justify my poor results in the 1500 by blaming fatigue, since I had been up for nearly the whole day before.

Unfortunately, I had no excuse whatsoever for the 5000 on the second day. It only served to pooh-pooh that theory and highlight my abysmal physical condition. For a start, I was struggling throughout the race, but quitting the race 4 laps from the end was what made this an unmitigated disaster. For the life of me, I can't remember a track race which I have never finished, the previous 10000 notwithstanding since I already planned it as a glorified cool down. Even in races where I have been stricken with problems, like the 5k in Form 5 and this year's Masum 10k where I suffered from stitch, or the hot and humid 5k in TOT this year, I had always found the will to finish. Says a lot about the lack of hunger and fight in me now.

Comparing myself to 3 years ago, the old me always had the determination and perhaps a little anger to prove something. Ah well, I really need to have a long hard look at myself. It's back to the drawing board...

Semester Break = TRAINING TIME!!!

To the readers, however little left there are, I am truly sorry at the sorry state of my blog. Yeah, that's the most overused line in blogdom ever in its many forms, and one that I am guilty of overusing even in this blog. Still doesn't make it any less apt to preface a recall to blogging arms though, so it stays.

Anyway, I have a few really good reasons for my absence from the blogosphere (really!). Mainly, my lackadaisical approach to my studies caught with me right after my last post and I was forced to focus my waning energies on the most hectic period of the semester. So there I was, desperately fending off datelines while the almighty threat of the final exams looms high over the horizon. The fact that I was on a steep downhill immediately after MASUM didn't exactly help. All the races subsequently were nothing to write about and I was trying my best to forget them.

All that's in the past though. Luckily for me, my running has not mirrored my lack of blogging activity, and I have continued training, albeit not at full intensity, through my finals. This block of training is geared towards the many big races coming up in the latter half of the year. Thankfully, my performances have started to pick up a bit, and not a moment too soon as I have a meet this weekend to help me get a feel of where I am fitness-wise. Fingers crossed, I will be running in the 1500 and 10000(or 5000) races at the Kedah Open. I am not hoping for much, as I will be using this meet as race exposure cum training cum cheapskate holiday, but a personal best or two would be nice ;).

As stated in the title, I will be going full blast from here on out!