Nocturnal drama 2

Bad news, I had another nightmare just now. This time it is also about exams, but with a slight kung fu-commuter-thieving twist.

The earliest detail I can remember is me taking public transport (most of my dreams have some variation on this, I wonder why). This time the public transport in question is the bus (no surprises here). The driver looked a bit shifty, as if he was stoned or something. At least he wasn't that stoned to walk around, except that he did it while the bus was moving. Whoa, I think my dreams just stepped up a notch, autopilot for buses and the old Hin company type of buses at that! The surreality didn't end there. Halfway through, the bus morphed into a passenger ferry. Too bad that was the only thing that changed, because the driver didn't cure his wanderlust. There was a few close calls too, with the bus/ferry missing a few other (larger) boats at the last second.

Anyway, I did manage to reach dry land in one piece, and quite close to my intended destination too, assuming I am headed to my gym, since my targeted destination was never made clear. We were dropped off at Island Plaza of all places, and the driver just left and entered the Plaza, leaving me with a busload of puzzled passengers. Some of them wandered off, but I decided to stay put, there's a possibility the driver went just off to buy some weed, since similar things have happened in real life. True enough, he did return, but too bad I couldn't remember what happened after this point.

Scene two was more scary than scene one which was just plain baffling. Anyway, I found myself up against a familiar foe, exams. This time it was the science subjects, all of them. I was handed a booklet full of the questions and without much further thought, I went straight down to work. The first question was from biology, and after a while I surprisingly managed to do it. It took even faster to burst my bubble. A friend who was nearby reminded me that we were physics students, and asked why I was looking at the first section of the booklet, which is all biology. The temperature started rising at this point, and it didn't help matters than I didn't have a clue about the questions I am supposed to know about.

Scene three was about exams too, but with a twist. This time we had to complete a paper on the Moral subject. At least we were given a somewhat fair chance. We were to go for a talk before taking the paper. And for whatever reason I was carrying a sword, a good one apparently. After listening to the talk, I bumped into a bratty kid and his father outside the coffeeshop where the talk was held (go figure). He proceeded to boast about his sword. I tried to take it for a while, but finally burst his bubble. Having said my mind, I packed up my stuff and proceeded to head for the classrooms where the exam will be held. My gut told me I left something behind, so I had to check through all my swords. To make things worse, they were identical, but I somehow knew that my best sword was left behind. I had no choice but to rush back and look for it. Somehow, I had a nagging feeling that it would have been in the possession of that bratty kid. Upon reaching the coffeeshop/lecture hall, I found that another class is in session and their stuff was strewn about. Even better, there were a few swords there too. At this point, whatever morals I had about thieving evaporated. I just started searching through the piles of belongings there. In the end I didn't find my sword, but I did find a couple of nice blades, which I took. Disintegration of morals over, I was just about to return to my exam when I awoke with a jerk. Perhaps, the exams in my dreams are more about practical application than I thought.

Yet another boring run

The original plan for today was to get to Youth Park at about 7.30 am to do some training and sign up for the KL International Marathon. Unfortunately, my computer had other plans and stuck itself to my face until about 4 am, so that basically put paid to Plan A. The next option would naturally be Plan B, which is to get to Youth Park at 8.30 am, since the registration drive would be going on until 9.30 am.

Having missed my earlier wake up call, there was some regret in me while I was running to the park. The sun was simply shining too hot, seriously. It was still about 8.45 or so, but it felt like 9 something sunshine (yes, there is a difference). Upon reaching the park, I kind of expected to see a crowd of people for the registration, or at least a few dozen , ok at least, at least a dozen, since the KLIM is quite a big event. Turns out that my expectations were a bit high, since the number of personnel available was about the same as the number of banners there, a handful. Nevertheless, I proceeded to hand over the RM 25 and signed up for the half marathon, which was quite worth it. In comparison, we had to pay RM 50 for the same category in last year's Penang Bridge Marathon in return for crappy organisation and smelly air. And oh yeah, the distance was kinda iffy, and the timing system was straight out of the 60s. For the KLIM, at least there will be a chip timing system and the distance is certified. As for the organisation, all reports from runners say it's more professionally done, but I will wait until I have run the race before I judge.

After signing up, I had a short talk with the personnel there. Turns out that including me, a total of 17 people signed up for the half, with about a dozen others for other distances. That being said, whoever is in the competition doesn't really matter, as a runner I only have control over what I run. Thinking about that made my kiasu-ness kick in. With the sun shining brightly, I proceeded to start my run, rolled up A4 sized receipt in hand and all. I headed for the nearby Botanical Gardens to do some loops and reminded myself to keep this run in the relaxed range.

I did run relaxed, for about the 6 minutes it took for me to run to the gates of the Botanical Gardens, until I saw another pro looking runner passing by just when I was about to start my loop. Next thing I know, the kiasu-ness stepped up a notch. Besides he doesn't seem to be going that fast upon closer examination, an I did not feel like I was expending that much energy to overtake him. The watch however told a different story. So much for pace discipline. At least, I am not feeling the strain at a pace where I would be working hard to keep up a year ago.

3 laps in, the other runner finished his run, so I was left to run alone. On the next loop, I got a better look at this mystery runner. Turns out that he was one of the regulars in local races, which kind of puts things in perspective, with him being a few years younger and never really posing a challenge in those races. After doing 8k or so, I ended the workout. With that out of the way, I took the opportunity to catch up with some news about my old teammates since he's training with them and I am a bit out of the loop.

Apparently, my self training have not gone down well with a few of them. I am taking all this with a pinch of salt, but this does provide an added impetus for me to train harder. The list of people I have something to prove to just increased. Training-wise, my decision to strike out on my own was somewhat validated by what I heard. The kind of training done by my ex-teammates would probably be too strenuous for my bones to take. Anyway, the only way to prove this is in direct competition with them, so I really hope to meet some of them in whatever upcoming races.

Target sighted

Yes, I already have an immediate target. And no, not that kind of target (friends of mine will get this). This much vaunted target of mine is the Kuala Lumpur International Marathon half marathon race. I have about 9 weeks to go before the big event. In the mean time, you, my dear readers will be bored to death by my occasional posts about my preparations for this race.

I will consider this post as the first about my road to KL. With 9 weeks to go, it is time to get serious. There's no point signing up and paying the fees and additional bus fare to be just a face in the crowded procession of humanity. At the very least I must run a respectable time (read: personal best by a loooooooooong margin). With that thought in mind, I stepped on the treadmill at the gym for my first workout. OK, I lied. It wasn't my first workout, in fact I have been in training for since the first day of the year, but the previous part was true.

Anyway, today's treadmill workout was new in someways. For the first time, I set my starting speed at 13.6 kph, with a progression of 0.1 kph every 800 metres or so (see, I said it was going to be boring). At least that was my projected target, though you can never account for any problems along the way, as controlled a running environment as the treadmill is. My initial fears were proven correct, partly. I felt some strain at the start, but upon closer analysis, I was surprised to find that my breathing wasn't that laboured, and I could reasonably expect to keep this pace up for a long time. Being a masochist though, I stuck to the gameplan.

Halfway through my run, something even more surprising than the relative effort needed happened. A quite attractive girl and her dad walked in to my no frills gym. Oh well, at least I have some eye candy to keep me distracted from any running discomfort and I might even get subconsciously motivated (does it even count as subconscious if I was thinking about it even then?). In the end, I hung on until 9.1kilos with a rapid increase in pace the last few hundred metres. Not a bad workout at all.

Having done the cardio part, I proceeded to do my usual gym workout with an added emphasis on the core. Nothing much to talk about here, since what I have written so far should be enough to KO all but the most insomniac.

Runner: A beginner's guide

Maybe you are into the wind blowing in your hair, or maybe it's the feeling of fat burning that gets your heart pumping, or maybe you are just plain masochistic. Whatever the reason, you decide to suffer the stares and whispered exchanges, and decide to become a runner. Congrats to those who take the first step, too bad for those who quit before the next.

Anyway, many of my friends are all gung ho about running in the beginning, and they bombard me with all sorts of questions, like what shoes to buy, how to run and the like. And once they get started, they will be eager to swap war stories with me. Which is all fine and good. Except that most of them probably quit one week in.

Unusually for my usually cold heart, this fact bothers me, probably because I miss swapping war stories. They kinda remind of when I started out. What can I say, I am a sentimental guy ;). But honestly, I really am reminded of when I started out. So I want to give a guide on how to start running, speed demon style of course.

Ok where do I start? Ah yes,the equipment. Basically you need none, but for those of you not into nude running and do not have thick soles, you need a T-shirt, shorts and shoes. For the attire, just wear whatever you are comfortable with, because you will be more inclined to stick with your run if you don't have a constant urge to rip off your shirt or shorts. Same goes for shoes, they have to be comfortable, everything else is secondary. That's why there's no hard or fast rule when it comes to shoe choosing, nor is there any 'good' brand or shoe. It's good if it fits you well, and lets you run in them without getting hurt, that's all there is to it. As to foot types and the accompany type of shoes, I have to admit it's not my area of specialty, so my advice will be limited to the above.

So now you are all kitted out and ready to roll, but where? If you are in less than decent shape, it would probably be wise to start out on more forgiving surfaces, namely trails and fields. Roads would be okay once you get used to the impact. Nevertheless, even seasoned runners do not do all their running on roads. As for location, obviously it must be familiar, lest you end up in the papers as one of those lost hikers.

You are running along your favourite route, or maybe labouring would be more suitable to describe it, and everything seemed to be so different from what you planned, you are beginning to hate it and this is definitely not what you signed up for. What I am talking about is the mental aspect. The physical aspect will take care of itself once you get to a certain level, but getting there will depend a lot on your will. In this area, I can consider myself to be quite proficient, simply because I am such a darn good liar to myself (read my previous post on how I do this). Bluntly speaking, when the going gets tough, you have to use whatever thoughts possible to motivate an unwilling body. The easiest way is to dangle a carrot, think of the good things that will happen if you complete your run. The other more nefarious way is to trick the body into completing it, an example of which is the "just one more corner to go" thought. Once you survived this "battle", you have to think about surviving the "war", since things do get boring in the long run. To do that, you can set yourself
some targets, like a certain level of fitness, or lose a certain amount of weight. Another way to break out of a rut is to vary the location of your runs.

Basically, I covered most of the initial mental aspects of running, but here are some extras. Many of my beginner friends are unwilling to run with me and they back it up with a multitude of excuses, like how they can't keep up with me or I will be too fast for them. I understand that they might not want to come off as arrogant, but believe me, to be a good runner you need a certain amount of arrogance and daring. Runners must not be cowards, and no matter how good your rival appears to be, you still need to believe in your own ability. This is especially true if you want to progress to racing. You might be overmatched, but it's not a sin to hope. The moment you stopped believing that you can be better than your rival, your progress stops.

Thoughts when running

Forgive the clunky sounding title because there is honestly no other way to describe a post about, er, things I think about when I run.

1) "Why the hell is this road so long???". Very common thought, and usually accompanied by a a grimace of agony or anger, depending on whether I feel kickass or kickedass.

2) "Why the hell is this road so fucking long???". When the road in front is really really long and straight. No options on the grimaces this time, agony all the way.

3) "OMG, hot chick at 12 o'clock!!!". Unfortunately scarcer than I would like, and always accompanied by a straightening of my running form, no matter how wrecked I look a second before. Oh, pace increases accordingly, at least that's how it felt.

4) "Bloody open air burners!!!". Very common, in fact getting more rampant. Of course, that increases proportionately with the amount of environmentally ignorant retards who currently inhabit Penang.

5) "So little road, so many cars...". Thought while fervently praying none of those drivers in said cars are at my level of driving skill.

6) "Booooorrrrrriiiinnnnnggggg.......". Number 1 thought while on the treadmill. Unless a hot girl appears, whereupon the 3rd thought applies. 7 out of 10 thoughts while on the 'mill.

7) "Noob.". Another common thought while running ala treadmill. Always directed at the treadmill next to mine. To alleviate the boredom, I glance at the neighbouring treadmill every now and then, and try to envision myself running against a speedy runner, which is proving very hard to do with the people at the gym. 4 out of 10 thoughts on the treadmill, oh wait, it should be 3, or 2 and a half. Darn, told you treadmill running is mind-numbingly boring.

Nearly inevitably, pain and the urge to quit sets in. To counter that, I send, or rather think, forth these troops.

8) "Pain is permanent, glory is temporary.". Perversion of "pain is temporary, glory is forever" which is what I start out trying to think, then mysteriously mutates into it's more quit-friendly cousin. A staple in every run.

9) "You already made it this far, besides if you quit now you have to walk back anyway.". Flashes through mind at the furthest point from the start.

10) "If you can't complete this, how the fuck are you gonna win a real race.". Usually at the point where my delusions of grandeur set in.

11) "Do it for her.". Another misguided thought that my running will impress chicks. Darn, misguided thoughts are getting quite common.

12) "Come on, another minute(treadmill)/corner(road)!!!". Usually a lie, but somehow at that stage my body is stupid enough to believe it, and proceeds to believe the next 53262 similar lies. Yeah, I lie to myself a lot on my runs.

13) "Move it, the next runner is only 10 metres in front." Another lie that comes near the end, because most of the time they are further away, like 20 metres. Usually this is to spur myself to kick harder.

14) "Fast but relaxed." Aimed at my body, immediately after I bust out the kick induced by the previous thought. Darn, the mind is too bloody demanding.

Resolutions

Before any of you slate me for posting about my resolutions this late in the year, let me remind you that it's only 9 days since 2008 existed. Anyway, I do have a reasonably good excuse for this. You see, for daring to spend the first few hours of the new year at a ramshackle bus stop chatting with friends instead of getting drunk and fighting at some nightclub, the ghost of 2007 decided to haunt me, presumably to teach me a lesson. So this ghost proceeds to mess up my internal calendar, leaving me 1 week late in writing what should have been written as soon as the new year starts. Not buying it? Well, me too, but at least I gotta make a shot at making a lame excuse.

Anyway, back on topic. Ah, resolutions, the mere thought of it alternatively bolsters the spirit or sends shivers down the spine, depending on what stuff you are made of. Despite all the hoopla surrounding it, I mean the first thing most people say after greeting each other happy new year is 'Got any resolution or not ah?', I have never felt compelled to put my resolutions down in writing. I do have some hope for the coming year, sure, but most of them are kinda vague and subjective in nature, which kinda explains why most of my achievements are kinda vague and subjective, go figure.

Ok crapping aside, here are my resolutions.
1) I want to master driving. As lame as this sounds, this is probably the numero uno skill I need to have now, because no driving, no 'paktor', no 'kaului'.
2) I want to be a faster runner. Fast enough to get among the top placings in road races. If you insist on being more specific, I hope to run faster than 38 minutes for 10000 meters, 17 minutes for 5000m, 80 minutes for the half marathon. (okay, I added all those numbers to make my blog sound more sophisticated so fire away)
3) I want to get my target.
4) I want to sleep earlier. Too many late nights means too many wasted hours, definitely not good if I am to achieve resolution number 2.

2007 reasons to despair

Ok I lied, it is not humanly possible to list out that many reasons to despair, not to mention no human being would survive that many too, which would have required me to be currently in the state of a vengeful spirit, which would bring untold mayhem to those still in the living world.

Nevertheless I did have quite a few reasons that have given me quite a lot of grief and sadness. And since people do not seem to like to read about happy stuff, I will make a list of thing that have made me experience unhappiness of varying degrees. Yes people, this is my list of failures in the year 2007. They may have happened in 2007 or may have been pre-existent and simply entended themselves into 2007.

1) The failures in things I am passionate about. I failed in my running. I wanted to make an impact in races. But in spite of my best efforts, I never could really make a breakthrough as a winner. Most of it is my fault, I was distracted and didn't have the will to gut it out in training or when racing.

I failed in my writing too, or more specifically my blogging. For most of the year, I was discouraged and felt lethargic when it comes to blogging and didn't update my blog for more than half a year. And when I did feel like blogging again, I failed all over again, and faced the very same pre-hiatus problem, lack of readers. Though I don't really expect any material gain from my blog, it is ego bruising to find noone interested in what you have to say.

2) The failures in things I am less passionate about. They may not be my favourites, but these are the things that matter, at least that's what everybody says. I failed in my studies. Not totally failed, I hope, but I didn't do justice to what I could have done. Throughout the year I just slacked and blamed it on a lack of interest in the subjects. By choosing Form 6 I have damned 2 years of my life to waste, with a few more uncertain ones to come.

I failed to drive. Despite getting my drivers license for quite a while now, I have not really mastered driving. I made excuses when my parents asked me to practice, and I still do now. To be honest, this due to cowardice. Yes, I am afraid of driving on the road. A few close calls during my first drive after getting my license was the reason, even though that was a long time ago.

3) The failure to be a good person. I failed to be myself. Certain situations cropped up and I resorted to wearing a mask to face them. I betrayed my what I stood for in favour of more popular choices.

I failed to be good family. I was a lousy family member, never caring enough, and never bothering to listen. There was tension with my parents, and most of it were due to failure number 2.

I failed to control myself. In temper, in desire for material things, and in emotions. I blew my top more often than I would like, and I still get angry more easily than I hope. I couldn't control my urge to buy new shoes too, and have used up quite a sum on them.

4) I failed in love. I couldn't get the girl I want, even though I had liked her for so many years. Opportunity cropped up time and again, about once every fortnight, but I didn't take it. Most seemed like a gift from the heavens, I chose the hell of doing nothing instead. In hindsight, it was fear and lack of courage (yes, they are different). I feared that anything I do will move her further away from me. I feared that whatever I did would scare her off. Instead of acknowledging the problem, I made excuses to myself, like she is too busy interacting with her family or that she seemed to be preoccupied with something else. I guess I am a liar to myself too. Though I don't think she reads this blog, I will not be more specific in describing her. Precisely because I fear.

In regards to 2007 being over, I will feel no small measure of relief. I hope that come new year 2009, my list will be reduced.