Random artsy-fartsy post

I will be the first to admit that I am not the most creative of writers. Indeed, I do not think I am particularly creative in any field at all. To sum it up, I do not create, rather I modify. But every now and then, I get one of those brain farts that result in some really weird writing. Here is one good example of a weird poem:

Alan Tea

I know a dog named Alan Tea,
Who's small, cute and oh so funny,
He's quiet and loathes to bark,
But the last thing you should do is to take him for a lark.

As dogs go he's atypical,
Probably because he's not as cynical,
He romps about with nary a moan or whine,
The games he plays show curiosity's sign.

Very carefree and joyful he sure is,
Though he can be serious and no duty does he miss,
He roams and prowls every now and then,
Always on the lookout for suspicious men.

Now, he might look placid and peaceful,
He might like to sleep and drool,
But anyhow he likes to be,
He's still our very own Alan Tea.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

This one was partly inspired by a real dog, and I had a lot of time, so why not?

Bug central 2

*continued from previous post*

The meal was simple but adequate. Having sated our hunger, it was time to go. The plan was for Ju Ping to drop us off at the town bus terminal and we would get a bus to Komtar. I have to mention that this is our first time taking a bus from such an 'ulu' place. It looked simple enough when we first reached the terminal, there was only one bus that looked like it was going somewhere. Looks could be deceiving though, as we were about to find out.

To start with, the bus did not have anyone on it, and we were the first ones to board it. Having barely settled ourselves, I caught sight of an incoming bus. That was when a sudden 'kiasuness' came over me, and I quickly alighted from our bus and rushed over to the other one ala Amazing Race. Startled, my companions followed suit. Embarassingly for us, and especially me, for I was the instigator, the bus turned out to be incoming, and we were actually on the correct bus.

We rolled into the terminal, and got onto the correct bus for the second time, all the while accompanied by the sound of Shy Yan laughing her head off. Nothing more embarassing than making a mistake and having someone rub it in by laughing very hard at you. And what was my reaction? I laughed, silly as that may sound, but laughter is really the best way to cope with failure as I found out then. In a way, it really is cathartic, since I doubt this is will be my reaction a few weeks ago, I will probably sink deeper into the myre of disappointment. Looks like those dark days are behind me now.

After the earlier histrionics, the ride turned out to be uneventful...not! The route it took was curving and hill hugging. There were spots where the bus had to actually stop to allow another heavy vehicle to pass. We were literally in the middle of nowhere. At one point someone commented that it was just like travelling to Taiping, referring to the fact that the most of their classmates are making a 3 day road trip to Maxwell Hill specifically to catch bugs. In spite of the perilous road, complete with road works, I cannot help but feel drowsy.

After about 1 hour (yes, it was that long!), we reached Komtar safely, where we were to be picked up by Wei Fang's mum. Before that though, Wei Fang and Shy Yan had some errands to run. Wei Fang had to go up Prangin Mall to do his, and being a lazy ass, I decided to tag along with Shy Yan and Ee Wen. But as it turned out, she had to pick up her contact lenses and the shop was around the block. I am not complaining though, as there was quite a strong hair raising breeze.

At the shop, we had to wait for the contacts to be brought out. And both the girls took this opportunity to comment that I look like (young) Harry Potter. Just when I thought it was behind me...(Bangs head on wall).

Task completed, we headed back to meet Wei Fang. He was already waiting when we arrived at the rendezvous, and his mum was already on the way. She will send us back to the C Gate of Chung Ling High School where I will hopefully get a ride somehow. As it turns out, my victim was Shy Yan as we technically live on the same street, 'technically' being the operative word since I lived on one end while she lived on the other.

All in all, it was an eventful and interesting day, hell seeing Wei Fang, Shy Yan and Ee Wen cower in fear of Ju Ping's dog was already worth the price of involvement ;).

Bug central

Today I did something totally unexpected of me, as a person and as a physics student. Having decided to move out of my comfort zone and experience more, I went and caught bugs with some of my biology student friends. And it was not your typical stroll in the park and catch a few bugs affair, nuh-uh, it was a full blooded, hike up the hills, running around with butterfly nets like mad men type of hunt. Heck, it even warranted its own special trip to the nether regions of the island.

The day started very early, at 6.30am to be exact. That was the scheduled pick-up time for the participants in our expedition. Unfortunately, I was unable to make it due to a slight error in understanding. In a state of panic, I had to resort to contacting Ju Ping, who was the leader of the day. Thankfully, this was quickly sorted out, with his mum making a detour to fetch me, but not before making making me sweat it out anticipating the reception she might give me. But guilt aside, I was lucky to get off with nothing but some mild chiding.

As our destination was located on the other side of Penang Island, we had to go over hill and dale to get there. The trip was literally hair-raising (not knocking on your mum's driving skills, Ju Ping), courtesy of the open window policy we were adopting. Seated at the side, my hair was constantly in a vertical state, but no where near as wavy as Wei Fang's were though :). We arrived at Ju Ping's house safely, but his mum's driving skills were not my main concern anyway, it was his actually, for he was to be our killer driver for the duration of our bug-catching operation.

The exact spot where we wage battle with our six-legged foes is an orchard owned by one of Ju Ping's family friends. After parking the car at the foot of the hillock, Ju Ping was given a tour of the trail we were to follow, while we the four remaining bug-catchers psyched ourselves up to take the slow walk up the incline while hopefully bagging bugs.

It was during this wait while doubts about the enormity of our task cropped up. Our erstwhile cocky and confident heroes started to lose belief, making statements and questions like, 'It's not easy u know, the other team only got 8 bugs in their entire day out in the field!' or 'The bugs might mutate and kill and preserve us instead! OMG!'. Ok ok, I made that last part up, but we were less than optimistic. And after finally getting our leader back and getting on our way, our fears were initially realised. Bugs were no where to be seen, and the ones sighted were the types not worth seeing. Our early attempts fell flat too, adding to the self-doubt. I guess our day just got a little bit longer.

As they say, it only takes a crack to burst the dam. I could not agree more with this statement. We did not have to wait long to open the floodgates. Yours truly played a part in getting that first kill, ahem ahem, by performing a downward cut like a samurai with a butterfly net on the unsuspecting bug, while our Animal Planet watching, Steve Irwin imitating leader coaxed it into the container. It might only be a small bug, but it was a morale booster, for me at least, and showed that we stand a chance against them.

This initial success seemed to burst the dam, as we found a cluster of earth bound bugs soon after, easy meat for us pro catchers ;).In the next hour or so, we were really racking up the bugs, with more than 20 caught. Not a bad rate by all means. Unfortunately though, depending on how you see it, most of them were of the small variety, and Ju Ping reckoned it was wise to move on to bigger game. To do that we must hike deeper into the orchard.

Along the way to the Promised Land of big bugs, we managed to come across many more smaller bugs, but we could all thumb our noses at them now. Too bad for the lack of huge ones though. However, we did manage to come across a monster...arachnid. The spider was huge, about the size of my palm, and the main line of its web was as thick as the threads my mum uses for her crocheting. It was very colourful, which probably signaled that it's poisonous, and its fangs look like they could give Dracula's a run for their money. Since this was not what Ju Ping and gang were looking for, we said good bye and left it alone, but not before regretting not bringing a camera.

Being all tired from the hike, we decided to take a break, right on the road, before making our final push to a shed further up. This gave us a moment to truly enjoy our surroundings, and Ju Ping remarked that he could just sit there all day. Very true words indeed. Break over, we packed up and continued on our way. We anticipated another long hike, but we felt really stupid to find that the shed was actually a stone's throw a way, literally, from where we rested.

We kept our end of the bargain by hiking up, but the big bugs did not, as not one of them was in sight. I guess they wised up. Nevertheless, it was a fun hike, with lots of joking and fooling around, most of them courtesy of Wei Fang and Shy Yan, who fought a running battle of one-upmanship throughout. We had to go back to base camp though to murder the bugs and mount them.

Catching them was tough, but nowhere near as tough as knocking them out and preserving them. For starters, we could get them into the plastic containers, but how could we get them out without accidentally setting them free? A conundrum indeed, but the Bio guys were truly intrepid, and managed to improvise some 'techniques' to achieve this. Then there's the other problem of preserving them.

I have been told that a needle filled with formalin will be stuck into the anus of them bug, but I really have to see it to believe it. I could not fathom how they were going to do that on the oh so small bugs, but our expert poker, Shy Yan proved me wrong by casually screwing the bug in the ass.
Killing works the appetite, and it's bad news when you have five hungry teenagers. To save the dog from having chunks bitten off him, Ju Ping cooked up a storm.

*this is getting long, so I will continue tomorrow*

Necessary evil

As I am writing this, my body is quivering from sheer fatigue, both mental and physical. My comrades in the Sixth Form of Chung Ling High School would have just completed our first test since reentering our school. This is also the main excuse for the drop in my blogging activity for the past week or so.

I must say, it is an entirely different feeling from any previous test. For starters, instead of the whole gamut of subjects that we have to take previously, we now have a scant five to occupy ourselves with. This is not to say it will be easier though, far from it. I don't know what's it with the teachers, but from the moment we stepped into Form 6, they were drumming into us how hard it is, talk about negative programming. Consequently, we were already quivering in our shoes at the prospect of the test.

Nevertheless, I still couldn't muster enough motivation to have a go at it, especially after what happened in my last post. Thus, I was resigned to getting my ass handed to me by this big ass test. Being a masochist who enjoys embarassment, I am going to give a subject by subject account of my ass being whupped.

Day 1 Pengajian Am(PA aka Pain in the Ass)
To be honest, this paper is kind of similar to History in some sections, just with more propaganda thrown in. Unfortunately, it also inflicts the same kind of boredom as its brethren. Needless to say, I have been less than enthusiastic when it comes to revising for it, just enough to complete whatever that will be tested. I was quite nervous just before the exam, having visualised all the mental torture my mind will have to undergo, after all if you are going to own someone, you might as well do it from the beginning right? Boy, was I wrong. I didn't bring my calculator and I had to do the sums the old-fashioned way, by pen and paper, and still had at least 15 minutes left. ANd like any sensible student I used the spare time wisely, namely by writing a poem, a really really short one which sums up perfectly the situation I have found myself in:
Tests - a futile battle
You think you know the answer,
But it really is just an illusion,
Just when you think you are better,
It easily reveals your wrong assumption. <(Ju Ping, I think you will agree with this part, if you are reading this)

You think you are filled with knowledge,
But the test results tell otherwise, <(I sure as hell would agree with this, after today)
Just when you think you have gained an edge,
It says you are better off making a peace treatise.

Looking back at this, it sure is remarkably transcient, especially since both the events in brackets happened today, five days AFTER this has been written chucked into my file.

Day 2 Chemistry (for disaster)
Chem is not a kind subject to me, to put it bluntly. I just don't get it, plain and simple. The test itself was uneventful. No poems this time unfortunately, as I was struggling for time.

Day 3 Mathematics
This should rank as one of the biggest anticlimaxes of all time. I came into this expecting a big can of whup ass to be opened and came away feeling like the can was just a size small, and expired. It wasn't hard at all, some parts might be tricky but still doable. The only obstacle was time, as I couldn't finish a question.

Day 4 MUET(fancy term for the English we take)
This was always going to be a cakewalk, since no way am I going to allow anything but a resounding success. I was proven right as the cloze test was only tricky when you have to sieve through the jumble of possible answers. The summary was quite confusing at first, since we had to summarise TWO passages into a single summary, which was totally alien to me. But first appearances are deceiving and I managed to finish comfortably with 15 minutes to spare.

Day 5 Physics
Ahhh, the final day, and the last but definitely not least paper, Physics. This was the day I dreaded the most. Physics has always been a persistent pain in the ass for me, but I have always managed to scrape through with a pass, and on the one or two occasions I failed it was always close. There was to be no such respite today though, as there was no hope left at all after the dust has settled. In the past there has always been a glimmer of hope that I might pass, no matter how badly i thought I did, but not this time. In one fell swoop, all hope was dashed. The paper had me under the cosh right from the start, never letting up its assault on my brain.

That's all for this post, as I am dead tired.

Guilty until proven innocent

What I am about to blog about might get me into trouble, but I don't give a fuck. Certain people have screwed me over, and the people who should have stood up for me didn't, hell, they screwed me over even more, so the fuck I care about damaged reputations. This is a tale with enough treachery and false pretenses to rival Bush's war of terror, set in a school setting of course.

First, some background, since entering Form 6, I have joined the C*unsel*ing Group, note, I do this word masking to at least have some leverage for denial should I get into trouble, but I doubt it, seeing the traffic, or rather lack of, I get in this blog. Anyway, I have had some ideological conflicts with the people in charge, mostly due to me being the fun loving type and them being stuffy sticklers of the rulebook, but things have been fine more or less. From the start, the teacher has always impressed upon us the importance of secrecy and trust, of setting a good example, lest we *gasp* lose our credibility. I even went through a day camp to endure even more talk about this, on the day before my Bridge Run, which is majorly important to me.

Okay, now comes the main part. This tale started 2 days ago, on Wednesday. I usually don't frequent the C*ounsel*ing Room, but on this particular occasion I did. As it was, they have just put up the list of members who have passed the probation period. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to guess that my name wasn't on it. Obviously, I was perplexed, as far as I am concerned, I have fulfilled all the pain in the ass criteria, I didn't miss the camp nor my duty days, and I didn't beat up anyone. Sure, I have had more than my fair share of run ins with the abovementioned committee members, but just because the are taking things too seriously, certainly not enough to sack me.

Thus mystified, I decided to take it up with the teacher-advisor the next day, but I was promptly told to talk to the President instead. Thinking it was a simple clerical mistake, common when you have overworked students moonlighting as secretaries, I thought nothing of it. As luck would have it, the President dropped by my class today to discuss something with a committee member from my class. His appearance was certainly fortuitous, else I would have forgotten to bring it up with him otherwise. Unfortunately, I was shunted aside, yet again, and told to meet him during recess.

Recess came, and I dutifully adjourned to the C*ounsel*ing Room. After settling down, we got ready to discuss the matter at hand. At this point in time, I was still thinking that it was just a simple case of my name slipping through the system. The look on the Prez's face was ominous, but I was still genuinely shocked when the truth of the matter came out. The first question to spring out from his mouth, was one asking me whether I know what this is all about. Well duh, you think I came all the way down for a nice chat? I have Ju Ping for that. Apparently, a few guys, yes guys, have been complaining that I talk about 'dirty' topics, and I don't think they meant dirty laundry, so much so that they feel disgusted. That ticked me off that something wasn't right. If you want someone complaining about obscene talk, at least get a girl, she can plead sexual harassment and whatnot. What guy, guys who have spent a few years in my school no less, would complain about that? Last time I checked, whenever someone said something with sexual innuendo in it, the whole class laughed, boys and girls.

What does that have to do with the absence of my name on the list, you ask? I have been 'left out' of that list because of that, and pending the results of a psyche test. A psyche test? Oh yeah, some more background, last week I took a psyche test which consisted of drawing a few fruit trees. I took the test thinking that it had something to do with my future career prospects, a guide if you like, and the teacher who gave me the test said something along the lines of that.

Anyway, my assumption was about to be torn down. The moment the Prez mentioned the psyche test, I was like 'WTF???', and thought, this couldn't be the test I took last week, can it? This was definitely getting weirder by the minute. Stupidly, I asked the Prez what psyche test? He proceeded to ask me an even stupider question, 'do you know what the test you took last week was for?'. Well duh. My brain cells were obviously dulled by all the math questions I was doing before this meeting, but I managed to put two and two together in the duration between him asking me that question and giving the answer.

The teacher-advisor having heard the allegations against me, arranged for another teacher to give me a psyche test. And I can't believe that I thought there was no ulterior motive. Talk about doing something under false pretenses. So now my reputation depends on some drawings of fruit trees I made while thinking it was for something else, sweet.

After taking a minute to digest the charges levelled against me, and trying to think of even one incident remotely fitting the ones described, I came to the conclusion that it was a premeditated set up. Evidence you ask? I have none, I will admit that, but there are just some things that don't match up. The persons knew I was a C*unsel*ing member, but I don't think many know that, heck I don't even get to freaking wear the badge. While I do tell bawldy jokes every now and then, I am by no means the biggest source of them, and I don't think mine were particularly 'powerful'. Besides that, they were directed to my classmates around me, and I honestly trust that they are close enough with me to not take offense.

Upon gathering taking all that in, I tried to be calm, but it was hard not to be angry. Someone has just performed a character assasination on you, and it was a perfect one too, with me not knowing about it until now. And with the stupid anonymity shit, they don't even have to be held accountable for all the slander. Trying to be reasonable, I asked the Prez whether it was fair to take action against me, just because someone decided to sully my name, and they have heard the people attacking me, but they haven't heard the people defending me. In my heart, I was fucking pissed, haven't they heard of innocent until proven guilty? Aren't the C*ounsel*ing Group supposed to be more open? It's ok to turn your backs on one of your own? To me, this was hypocrisy to the max. Instead of all the caring shit they constantly preach about, I have a dagger stuck between my shoulder blades just because the teacher-advisor wants to protect their image.

Walking back to my class, I was in a funk, and my anger was not tempered by the sight of certain people walking together. I spent the next two periods of MUET doing basically nothing. If the people who are out to get me are in my class, I don't want them to gain any knowledge from what I say. Yes, this sounds egotistical, but MUET is the only subject I can make an impression in, and people actually turn to me for help in. I just feel so betrayed.

When the truth gets out, and it WILL get out, I expect an apology from the parties involved, especially the CG. As of now though, I am thinking of the RM10 I spent for the guidebook, RM13 I spent for the t-shirt, used only once, RM5 for the camp I attended, and how I could get all the money back. It ain't about the money, but I would do anything to hurt them now.

Irony of ironies

This is supposed to be intended solely for the FuckRIENDSTER version of my blog, but I thought 'what the heck, they bloody robbed me of my intended post of the day' and decided to air the dirty laundry here too.

*The blog originally bearing the above title could not be presented. Reasons will be outlined below. WARNING: liberal use of expletives.*

FUCK YOU FRIENDSTER. This stupid imbecilic, outdated excuse for a website just robbed me of a perfectly good post. I was typing halfway through, hell it wasn't even halfway, but I sure as fuck spent 45 minutes on it, and it was fucking long, when FuckRIENDSTER decided to screw around with the connection. Ok fine, you can fucking screw around with it, hell, it happens to blogspot half the time, just ask my friend, Ju Ping, but the difference between genius and stupidity is sometimes just the ability to mindlessly retain content. For fuck's sake, at least try to be a little more reliable and don't just wipe off the hard work people put in.

And for those of you wondering why I don't just use blogspot once and for all, I do. I have another blog there with the same content, the address of which I am going to post now. The thing is I will for convenience's sake write in FRetardIENDSTER's blog then copy and paste to blogspot. But no fucking more, I am going to do the opposite now. This crap of a site is useful only because it is accessible to most of the people I know.

Anyway, I just endured a fucking weekend, and this shit just crops up. Screw you, my the retarded programmers responsible for this intellectual violation never be able to get an erection again.

Inspiration

Ever since last year, my skills in creative writing have steadily gone downhill. Of course I don't mean my normal essay writing, but it's my skill in genres like poetry and prose that has atrophied. One look at the blogs of my fellow bloggers Ju Ping and Kee Wai's blogs (see, repitative use of various forms of the word 'blog', a sign of lack of creativity) would confirm my distinct lack of variation.

Anyhow, I don't feel it's more of a lack of ability on my part than a lack of a muse to unlock that latent talent. It doesn't even need to be human. During my most productive period, if you can call it that, I was on an emotional rollercoaster. Fueled by everything from angst to rage to love to hate, my works were huge in quantity if not in quality. Even today, whenever I look at my works, I can't help but cringe a little. There were a few funny ones, but in general they suck.

Having said that, I feel that those were more of a false peak. Surely I can't be limited to such drivel. In short I just need a trigger. And in recent weeks, I believe I am getting close. A lot of frustration has been building up, along with some passion. But the sad thing is, the source of all this, probably won't appreciate whatever that I might produce.

Anyway, if any of you guys have any good ideas for a story or poem, please be kind enough to share it with me.

Eating a horse

Today I ate what was the equivalent of a horse at a buffet. Oh, alright, a very smaaall horse but I did some extreme stuffing. After all the carnage, I decided to test whether I can damage my bathroom scale. And much to my amazement, I weighed in at 61kg. It might look featherweight to some of you out there, but do keep in mind I weighed about 57kg normal and dry.

So the big question is, whether a human can eat so much?